Practitioner
Nicky Perfect
Former Director of Hostage Negotiation, United Kingdom
Interviewed 5 August 2026, 9:00 AM
Works Crisis and hostage negotiation · keynote speaking and training
Experienced for this research —
This page is provisional until Nicky Perfect has reviewed it for error. That undertaking was given at the outset of every interview and it stands.
Marked silence — the correction that reconciles the field
Silence used consciously lets the other person fill the space; people do not like a gap and will move into it. But it has to be prepared. She tells the person she knows they are exhausted and processing, that she is there, that they should take the time they need and say when they are ready — and then counts to ten. Nothing breaks. The six-second ceiling governs unmarked silence. Declaring the pause does the work the face would have done.
Connection before direction
The fastest route to trust is listening; solving someone’s problem is the worst opening available. She describes it as a stairway — meeting, empathy, rapport, and only then trust. To someone on a ledge, “step away” gets you “who are you.” “Looks like you’re having a terrible day, do you want to talk about what’s happening?” gets you a conversation. People who reach for influence early lose it.
Hooks
When someone repeats a phrase — “I’ve got it under control, don’t worry” — they are telling you something they do not want you to hear.
The persona
She takes a breath and becomes “Nicky the negotiator.” She compares it directly to delivering a keynote: a persona with the confidence the moment requires, followed afterwards by impostor syndrome.
Residue
During a call every one of her own wants and needs goes out the window. Afterwards there is a full reflective review, and the recording to listen back to. You leave something of yourself in every one of those calls, and you do not notice you are carrying it until you leave the work.
What artists get wrong
Listening, she says, is an absolute superpower and we are bad at it. Most conversation is waiting for your turn. On the phone you have to actually wait. Done properly it feels to the other person like mind-reading. It is only the tip of the iceberg conversation — and the only way to make someone feel safe is to really listen.